Tue, 17 May 2016
Timmy Wood, a comedian, writer, one-time Ralph Lauren Model, and New York City’s resident “Man of Mirth,” passed away on Sunday, May 15th in his home in Brooklyn, New York at the age of 32.
Timmy loved Halloween and telling spooky stories around the campfire, so we are absolutely positive that Timmy Wood is now a ghost.
Timmy Wood The Ghost’s chief unfinished business will be to watch over his wife Julie, who once swore that she and Timmy would never, ever date. They recently celebrated five years of marriage and the only blemish on their relationship was a rather lackluster performance on television’s “The Newlywed Game.” Timmy Wood The Ghost will also be with his mother Terryanne, his sister Rebekah, and his brother John.
Even in the afterlife, Timmy Wood The Ghost will lovingly tend to his pet candles Howie Cand-el and Lebron Flames. (“Candles are the new pets.”)
Timmy Wood The Ghost’s spooky spirit will always be felt at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, where he was a beloved performer. It is said that if you listen closely after late Thursday night shows, you can still hear him uttering his annual comedy catchphrases, including “Suck it down, Charlie Brown,” “Uhhhhhhhhhh…check please!” “HOLD THE SLAW,” and “DAH FOOK?!?” Even in death, Timmy Wood The Ghost still stands by his controversial, nearly career-ending 2015 catchphrase “I’ll have one more picky for my ticky.”
Now that he has shuffled off this mortal coil (Shakespeare, baby!), Timmy Wood The Ghost will have more time to tinker with his comprehensive ranking of Bond movie theme songs, create insane games with made-up rules that only he can understand, finally watch a regular season Houston Rockets game, research Illuminati conspiracy theories on the internet, defend Yeezus as his favorite Kanye West Album, and drink Shinerbock in one of his many New York City “secret spots.”
Timmy will be missed dearly and even though his time with us was far too short, his life gets a perfect five out five big, beautiful, man-beards.
A celebration of Timmy will be held at TK. In the spirit of his life of seemingly boundless love and positivity, all those present will get one high-five.